If you’ve been coaching for any length of time, you’ve heard it countless times:
“I don’t know.”
As an ICF-certified life coach who has been coaching since 2016, I used to see this phrase as a wall. A dead end. Something I needed to push past quickly so the session wouldn’t stall.
Today, I see it very differently.
“I don’t know” is not resistance.
It’s information.
Over the years—working with clients from different backgrounds, cultures, and life stages—I’ve learned that “I don’t know” often shows up at the exact moment growth is trying to happen.
Below are five practical workarounds I use and share with coaches when a client says, “I don’t know.”
1. Don’t Rush to Fix It
Early in my coaching career, I felt pressure to do something immediately when a client said, “I don’t know.” Ask another question. Reframe. Move on.
What I’ve learned: silence is powerful.
Sometimes “I don’t know” is the client’s first honest answer. They’ve spent years reacting, pleasing, or surviving. No one has ever asked them to slow down and check in with themselves.
Now, I often respond with:
- “That’s okay. Let’s stay here for a moment.”
More often than not, insight follows.
2. Normalize the “I Don’t Know.”
Many clients feel embarrassed when they say it. They think they should know.
I normalize it immediately:
- “Not knowing is part of clarity.”
When I say this, I can feel the client relax. The nervous system settles. The session opens up again.
As coaches, we forget how radical it is for someone to admit uncertainty, especially top performers, leaders, or people who’ve had to be “strong” their whole lives.
3. Shift From Thinking to Sensing
“I don’t know” often means: I can’t think my way to the answer.
So, I shift the question:
- “What do you notice in your body right now?”
- “If your intuition had a voice, what might it whisper?”
- “What feels heavy? What feels light?”
I remember coaching a client who said, “I don’t know” three times in one session. When I asked what her body was doing, she paused and said:
- “My chest feels tight.”
That moment changed everything. We weren’t blocked. We were just asking the wrong door to open.
4. Offer a Gentle Container, Not an Answer
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned since 2016 is this: our job is not to replace their knowing.
Instead of giving options, I offer structure.
- “If you did know, what might be one possible answer?”
Or:
- “Let’s imagine we’re six months in the future; what do you wish you had done?”
This keeps ownership with the client while lowering the pressure to be “right.”
5. Get Curious About the “I Don’t Know.”
Sometimes “I don’t know” is protecting something.
So I ask:
- “What makes this hard to answer?”
- “What might happen if you did know?”
- “Is there something you’re afraid the answer might require of you?”
I’ve seen clients realize in real time that not knowing was safer than making a decision, setting a boundary, or disappointing someone else.
That awareness alone is progress.
A Final Thought for Coaches
If you’re a coach who struggles when a client says, “I don’t know,” I want you to hear this:
You’re not failing.
The session isn’t broken.
You’re standing at the edge of something important.
Since becoming certified and coaching consistently over the years, I’ve learned that clarity doesn’t come from pressure. It comes from permission.
When you give clients the go-ahead not to know, you create the space where knowing eventually emerges.
And that’s real coaching.