What is a caring yet confusing piece of advice you have ever been told? We’ve all received life tips that we later realized were more misleading than they were helpful. Since none of us came here with a how-to-live-life manual, it’s therefore essential we are more judicious of the life advice we give and those we receive from others, no matter how well-meaning they may be.
In this piece, I am sharing ten examples of life advice I have been given and internalized that turned out to differ a great deal from what I wish I had received. This article is to remind you to scrutinize life tips you get more thoroughly before accepting or refuting them.
#1 Fake It Till You Make It
This aphorism is problematic for two key reasons. First, it overlooks the value of time, effort, and disappointment to achievement. Evidently, a growth mindset and an enthusiastic attitude are important, but they are only a piece of the giant success puzzle. Imagine boarding a plane only to hear that the pilot is a three-month intern full of confidence that one day he’ll be an excellent captain, but he is only faking it now. Would you stay on that flight? I bet even the most adventurous person out there would think twice.
Flight officers go through rigorous training before they are eligible to fly an aircraft. A pilot doesn’t fake it until they become licensed. They learn it, practice it, and fail at it until they make it. After all, why would anyone be motivated to learn it if they could fake it? It’s human nature to seek the easy, well-worn path to any destination. If we can fake our way to a goal, then there is no motivation to labor to reach it.
Second, faking is the ultimate source of mistrust and alienation. If you can’t cook, it’s smarter to embrace your lack of knowledge and use it as an avenue for learning and growth. The following may be a little long, but it’s a more valuable piece of advice: Learn it, practice it, and fail at it until you make it.
#2 Never Give Up
If we could foretell the future, this advice would be tremendously helpful. Unfortunately, we aren’t in this utopian world yet. Sunk cost fallacy causes many to hold on to relationships, goals, and jobs, even when their costs outweigh their benefits. The late professor Clayton Christensen ended up in academia when he realized his efforts to join the Wall Street Journal would be fruitless. He didn’t cling to a failing dream in the name of “never give up.” He kept his aperture open. And when another opportunity presented itself, he took it. Sometimes, quitting is the most logical option regardless of how assiduously we’ve applied ourselves. Therefore, it’s more meaningful to remind others to be strategic.
#3 Be Yourself
Our identity is fluid and multidimensional, making this maxim utterly baffling. When you tell someone to be themselves, do you want them to be their public self? Their self-concept? Their actual or behavioral self? Or their ideal self? Since the dawn of time, scientists and philosophers have proposed various ways to describe human nature. Whether you define yourself by your actions, behaviors, thoughts, values, and possessions, we embody distinctive identities at different places and times. We are in a perpetual state of discovering ourselves. Therefore, it’s more thoughtful to encourage people to never stop striving towards realizing their best selves.
#4 Take Risks
A while ago, a sophomore sought my counsel on his intention to drop out to start a business venture. He’s been exposed to people telling them to “take risks.” He was confused. At the time we met, he didn’t have a solid business plan or a workable prototype, only his devotion, tenacity, and industriousness. He firmly believed that was enough to start a successful business. After walking him through a complete risk analysis, identifying and assessing his probability of success, he understood that staying in school while working on his project and sharpening his business acumen was the optimal solution.
Obviously, every decision carries some sort of risk since we can never gather all relevant information before starting. However, that’s not a reason to not do proper due diligence. Today, he has a bachelor’s degree and his startup is thriving. So, the advice he needed was: Take calculated risks. I suggest you do the same. By adding the adjective “calculated,” to this statement, you can spare yourself scores of preventable and unnecessary disappointments.
Take calculated risks! Test the water with one toe at a time. Don’t throw yourself in the pool all at once. That’s the best way to learn and adjust your plan!
#5 Follow Your Passion
This was my favorite piece of advice for several years. When highly successful people continually advise you to follow your passion, it’s hard not to believe it. However, my time working as a sales manager made me realize that a passion can also be created. Some of us are fortunate to discover our passion early in life, but others must create it. Fortunately, our life can be exceptional, whether we discover or create our passion.
#6 Everything Happens for a Reason
If you have ever been told that everything happens for a reason following a substantial loss, you know how unsettling this advice can be. But really, is it true? This is one of those life’s mysteries we should learn to live with. Regardless of your beliefs, sometimes it’s better to not ask why. Rather than making such a perplexing generalization, I would choose this more prudent advice: Sometimes, things just happen.
#7 “Don’t Worry! You Are Young. You Still Have Plenty of Time.”
People who use this axiom don’t realize that youth is an asset. We should harness the time and exuberant energy of our youth to design the life we desire. How we spend our youth will predict, more than anything else, the quality of our existence. Thus, a more worthwhile piece of advice is: Your youth is a treasure, make the most of it.
#8 Believe You Can Do It and You Will
I have been believing I can fly since the day I watched the blockbuster movie Superman, yet it still hasn’t happened. Will it ever? People who end up achieving great things didn’t necessarily believe in themselves. They put in the hours. A more appropriate piece of advice is: We never know until we try. Instead of overestimating our abilities or disparaging ourselves, it’s better we espouse an experimental mentality. You want to do something? Keep an open mind, formulate a hypothesis, and experiment. If you succeed, bravo. If it fails, review, revise, and repeat!
#9 Do What Makes You Happy
My friend once told me smoking makes him happy, and that’s why all his attempts at quitting failed. Many times, we engage in destructive behaviors convincing ourselves we are happy despite knowing it’s untrue. Those lame excuses can paralyze us from never pushing our boundaries and enjoying genuine happiness.
The most rewarding things in life aren’t always enjoyable. Appreciating my ripped physique in the mirror brings excitement, but going to the gym isn’t always pleasant. Sometimes, we must let go of those things we think make us happy in order to grow.
A more helpful piece of advice would be: Do what makes you happy and challenges you. Life is tough, beautiful, unjust, fair, and pleasant all at the same time. You can’t enjoy the fullness of life if happiness is all you are looking for. We find fulfillment when we develop the ability to pursue learning, even if we don’t enjoy it.
Sometimes, we must let go of those things we think make us happy in order to grow.
Bachir Bastien
#10 You Only Live Once (YOLO)
This slogan, popularized by rapper Drake in 2012, has become synonymous with reckless behavior. Ervin McKinness’s death in 2012 is a case in point. Minutes before his death he tweeted: “Drunk af going 120 drifting corners #FuckIt YOLO.”
A more constructive piece of advice would be: “You live every day.” That will remind people that life is both a journey and a destination. Such a mindset will empower us to enjoy the little things and not waste precious time impressing others, immersing ourselves in doubts, and worrying about the future. Jonathan Swift says it best: “May you live every day of your life.”
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Instead of a formal conclusion, I will leave you the option to share your experience with us. What did I not mention here that you think I should have? Please share your comments below.
Nice
Thank you so much Ayi Ariquater
Wow, Thanks for the advice.
I always fake it until I make it and believe me if we don’t give up then we actually succeed. These are the whole life lessons in one article!
Thank you so much Sheenam for your feedback.
i can relate so much with this article. thank you so much for such a great piece.
My pleasure 😇
There is a lot of important lessons in this article. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you 🙏
#3: I totally agree. For the longest time, people would encourage me to “be myself,” and I always wondered who they thought I was being in front of them? Now that I’m understanding we have different selves, I see why I was so baffled. I WAS being myself already.
Absolutely! This one piece of advice that creates lots of confusion in people’s minds. Thanks for commenting:)
Very sensible examination
Thanks for stopping by.
Bachir, you have presented very convincing and impressive arguments for each of the ten well-known pieces of life advice. Your information is not only informative, but it’s inspirational. Thank you!
Thank you Nancy for commenting. I’m glad you find my article informative and inspirational.
Of all the myriad life advice posts out there, this is by far the best I have seen.
Succinct and good-humored while doing justice to the complexities glossed over in the platitudes.
Thank you so much for your candid feedback. I really appreciate your comment. Comments like these inspire me to never stop writing.
Fantastic advice, Bashir! Very well-explained! I think the problem with some of these old sayings is that people apply them too literally and too broadly. Your improved versions add a lot of clarity.
The Golden Rule, found is some form in most religions, is a wonderful guide to life as long as you take into account that not everyone has the same needs and preferences as yourself.
I enjoy matching opposite proverbs such as “He who hesitates is lost!,” and “Look before you leap,” and applying them to hypothetical situations.
Thank you for stirring my imagination! 🙂
Absolutely! A lot of these sayings don’t take into account individual situations.
While they are well-meaning they can also be misleading.
I am glad you came and took the time to read my post and share your thoughts.
I like reading those contradictions, too, Cheryl. There was a series of matchbooks where each one had a proverb on the cover and when you opened it, had the opposite one on the inside. (“Never put off til tomorrow what you can do today.” – “Haste makes waste.”)
I would love to see those series of matchbooks.
* Bachir Sorry for misspelling your name.
That’s okay. No problem at all.
A refreshing and critical look at the things we have been told for years. Thank you.
Absolutely! Thank you for appreciating my post.
Great points!
My husband and I always thought the “You-can-be-anything-you-want-to-be” advice was utterly idiotic. I think that’s a combination of “Believe you can do it and you will” and “Follow your passion.” We used to see examples of that strategy on American Idol tryouts, when people who were completely tone deaf were allowed to humiliate themselves on national TV, because no one loved them enough to tell them the truth. (Or they did and weren’t believed.)
I do believe everything happens for a reason (hence my blog dedicated to seeking divine perspective), but if the reason is that I made a stupid mistake, or that something else was going on that I wasn’t aware of, it’s time to take off the rose-colored glasses and learn a lesson.
Thanks for such a thought-provoking piece.
Exactly! I agree with you and husband. Yes, you are right. We must always keep our aperture open to learn from our experiences.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your ideas with me.
Interesting that your experience/post appears to be taking every word literally rather than uncovering the wisdom behind a lot of these sayings. I use fake it til you make it quite frequently, mostly in relation to myself, but also with others. The kinds of situations that link with this concept are those that we know we must participate in and we have prepared for, but still feel unready to tackle. Except we are out of time. The meeting, exam, performance or moment is upon us and to do our best we must encourage our best in that moment. So we fake the belief until we have made it real with appropriate action. Running away to do more prep until you are 100% sure is simply not an option a lot of the time.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It sounds like you are not faking anything, you are simply aware of your lack of preparation and you are still trying to prepare with the limited resources you have. If you take a step back and you look at your example and my paragraph you will realize that’s exactly what you are doing. You are aware of a deficiency and still working hard to reach your goal. I don’t see where you are faking anything.
A lot of wisdom there!
Thank you 🙏 Connie.
Wow! The best advice I heard in ages–no. Probably forever.
Thank you 🙏 V.M.Sang. I am glad you find my article enjoyable and unique.:)
Thanks for taking on and “debunking” some of the popular pieces of advice out there. As you showed, many of them are good advice only if tweaked with a bit of common sense, such as don’t be afraid to take calculated risks, which is far different from simply taking risks. Another one that comes to mind is telling children they can be anything they want to be. That’s simply not true, as life throws all sorts of roadblocks at us all the time. I think it makes more sense to tell them that if they always try their very best, they will be surprised by how much they can achieve.
absolutely. I have accepted those pieces of advice like gospel, but a little bit of tweaking would make them far more helpful. Like you said, telling kids they can be anything usually causes them to grow up entitled and fragile. It’s painful when we face reality. Again, to quote you, kids should learn to give their best in everything and find or create that one thing they are great at.
Another excellent post!
I have heard those words of advice and encouragement that I do not believe is useful or will work out for everyone as it is not a reliable form of fact that pertains to every individual or everyone’s life experience.
I love how you break everything down as points you make are so relevant and relatable.
Thank you 🙏 for stopping by.
Your comments are insightful and encouraging. Thanks again for commenting. It’s up to us to analyze those pieces of advice we receive.
You are absolutely correct! It is up to us to decide whether or not the advice we receive correlates with or will actually benefit our reality❤
Couldn’t agree more. 😍
Oh gawwd I love this. I was just about to record a podcast on the folly of – Fake it till you make it – and then I stumbled upon your blog. Gosh I cannot stress enough how false this perception is, I love your takes on the cliches.
Thanks Mukti for your candid feedback:)
I am glad that you find my article insightful.
Thanks for following my site; you are very kind
You are very welcome 🙏 Thank you for returning the favor 🙂
Thanks.
I enjoyed your creative tweak of a selection of frequently touted axioms. Your take on the third, eighth and ninth axioms is keenly insightful. The third and ninth can be read together. Our identities are not static as they have to dynamically evolve in tune with life’s situations and our doing part is not always happy as happiness may be linked to task fulfilment. As regards eighth, it must be read as Henry Ford figured it: “If you think you can, you can..”, meaning if it is otherwise, you cannot do it. Just exhorting someone to believe he can do something even if he does not have what it takes is a recipe for failure. Thanks Bachir, for liking my offerings and thereby enabling my connect with your world. Best wishes..!