It’s one thing to fall in love with someone. It’s an entirely different story to stay and grow in love. Just like a bouquet of roses, romantic relationships need constant and continuous care for them to remain healthy and flourish.
I learned this critical lesson after failing two relationships. Therefore, if you are in a relationship or ready to commit to someone, you will find this article very helpful. Hopefully, you won’t have to scare your lover away like I have to make changes.
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.
Lucille Ball
First Thing First, Love Thyself
The first pillar of every successful relationship is when both partners are comfortable in their own skin. If you don’t even love yourself, it’s unlikely you will appreciate your partner. After all, we can’t give what we don’t already have.
A lack of self-love will cause you to center your entire being around the other person. Such a relationship is akin to a host-parasite relationship, where each partner’s well-being is based on the approval of the other. It won’t last!
To enjoy every minute with your partner, forget the “other half” mantra. Neither you nor your partner is a “half.” Each of you possesses your unique interests, weaknesses, strengths, and aspirations. Only when you both commit to each other while staying true to your individuality does genuine love happen.
Remember that self-love isn’t selfishness, it’s acknowledging and embracing yourself while selflessly accommodating your partner’s needs and not disparaging them.
Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it… it dies.
Tony Gaskins
Communicate Regularly and Honestly
Share your thoughts, concerns, and doubts with your partner openly. Avoid personal attacks. Accept that you and your partner will disagree on things. Respect that!
Make it safe for your partner to share their thoughts without fear of being criticized. When you listen to your partner, give them your undivided attention, get rid of judgment, and always try to understand things from their perspective. Listening to your partner with empathy will make them feel loved, which is an effective way to get them to reciprocate. We are responsible for fifty percent of the outcomes of every relationship. Do your part right and let your partner do theirs!
If we truly trust no one, we cannot survive.
Megan Whalen Turner
Build Trust
Trust is the backbone of all human relationships, especially romantic ones.
How do you learn to trust? By always reminding yourself that you can’t control someone else’s thoughts, behaviors, and actions. The best we can do is to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Recognize that your partner may still be attracted to others. Scientists purport that part of the brain that finds others attractive doesn’t shut off when we are in a relationship. Don’t let those baseless fears and insecurities create a wedge in your relationship.
Learn to Forgive and Forget
Do you know those people who catastrophize and ruminate long after they get hurt? They usually internalize others’ mistakes and bring them up every time they argue. That attitude will sabotage your peace of mind and destroy your relationships. If you are a victim of this problem, the following wisdom from Buddha may be worth remembering: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
How many times have you burnt yourself by holding a grudge? When you remind yourself of the danger anger poses to one’s mental health, not to mention its disastrous consequences on our relationships, you become more tolerant and accepting.
Recognize Your Partner May Leave Anytime
No matter how well things are going between you and your partner, they may leave you. When you acknowledge this truth, you stop clinging and worrying about the future and simply seize the moment.
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Since my last breakup, I have started a new relationship that’s been going strong for two years now. I know when to invest in myself and when to give my girlfriend my wholehearted attention. I respect, trust, and give her all the affection she deserves.
I can’t predict the future, but I don’t worry. I seize the day, prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. One thing I am sure of is that if my girlfriend leaves me tomorrow, it won’t be because I was being intolerant, overbearing, and bossy.